Version 1.5

Science Fair

[WILL and STEVE are in WILL’S room. WILL is sitting on his bed and STEVE is sitting in a chair. Under STEVE is a notebook. They are watching T.V.; an episode of “Family Guy” is just ending. There is an empty desk in the corner of the room.]

WILL
[Still looking at the T.V.]
Whaddya wanna do?

STEVE
We should rehearse our presentation before the fair.

WILL
[Looking toward the desk]
Where’s the notebook?

STEVE
[Looking toward Will]
Where did you leave it?

WILL
[Getting up and looking around]
Where I always do.

STEVE
Which is…

WILL
[Picking up pillows off his bed and throwing them on the floor]
On my desk.

STEVE
[Still sitting]
Well obviously you didn’t cuz it isn’t there.

WILL
Thanks captain obvious.

STEVE
[Sarcastically]
No problem.

WILL
The science fair starts in two hours.

STEVE
Yeah…

WILL
So we should probably find it.

STEVE
You probably shouldn’t have lost it.

[There is a short pause while WILL continues to look around for the notebook.]

WILL
[Stops looking around]
Are you gonna help me look or what?

STEVE
[Still sitting]
I’m not the one who lost it. It’s not my fault.

WILL
Well then enjoy failing.

STEVE
I’m not about to fail because you are about as responsible as a kid in a candy store and lose everything.

WILL
Oh lose everything huh? Like this one thing.

STEVE
Yes like this. And like my Power Rangers action figure in…

WILL
[Slightly louder]
How many times do I have to tell you! I never lost your stupid Power Ranger!

STEVE
Bull****. I know you took it.

WILL
Well how ‘bout the time I told you that I liked Kim and you decided to open your big fat mouth and tell everyone?

STEVE
Are you ever gonna let that go? She didn’t even like you.

WILL
You don’t know that!

STEVE
Yeah I do. The only girl who has ever liked you is your mother.

WILL
[Enraged, nearly shouting]
Well your mom’s an obese crack addict.

STEVE
[Disbelief]
What did you just say?

WILL
[Deliberately]
Your… mother… is… an… obese… crack… addict.

STEVE
[Shocked, pausing between each word]
You… take… that… back.

WILL
Make me.

[STEVE lunges out of the chair toward WILL and knocks him onto the bed. They wrestle for about five seconds. WILL is lying on his stomach and STEVE jumps on his back and pulls his hair back.]

STEVE
Bug-nosed pincushion!

[WILL reverses and puts STEVE in a headlock.]

WILL
Cotton-headed ninnymuggins!

[Another reversal]

STEVE
Pizza-faced momma’s boy!

WILL
Dirt-bag rat!

[STEVE starts to give WILL a wedgie. WILL yelps with pain.]

WILL
Oww! You smelly grease-monkey!

[STEVE starts chuckling and his grip loosens slightly.]

WILL
[Surprised, quizzical]
What?

[STEVE starts laughing harder.]

WILL
What’s so funny?

[STEVE continues laughing.]

WILL
Steve!

STEVE
[Still laughing and still holding a loose wedgie]
You calling me a grease-monkey reminded me of that time we went to the zoo and saw that monkey grab that girl and lick her face.

[WILL laughs a little.]

WILL
Oh yeah and then she freaked out and punched it in the nose and ran away and the monkey…

[STEVE is laughing so hard that he is barely comprehensible.]

STEVE
[Interrupting]
… threw a banana at her and she tripped and ate it!

[WILL’S laughter intensifies]

STEVE
When she was falling I almost died it was like in slow motion.

[Both STEVE and WILL laugh uncontrollably for a few more seconds then their laughter slowly dies down until they are chuckling every few seconds.]

WILL
Can you let me out of this wedgie now?

STEVE
[Realization]
Oh sorry. [Laughs.] What were we fighting about again?

[STEVE and WILL both sit up on the bed. STEVE has his back to the chair that he had been sitting on earlier, and the notebook is now visible on the chair.]

WILL
I don’t even… Oh yeah the notebook. [Looks around and sees the notebook on the chair] Umm…

STEVE
What? [Sees WILL looking at the chair and he turns to look. He’s clearly embarrassed.] Oh…

WILL
Yeah…

STEVE
[Laughing lightly]
Sorry ‘bout that…

WILL
Yeah…

STEVE
[Hesitantly]
Well… Let’s start working on that project…

WILL
Yeah…

[STEVE grabs the notebook and opens it. STEVE and WILL page through the notebook and talk about their project. Curtain.]